Our son... Tiny

It has been a long time since last I wrote.  I have journalled on paper but have not felt the desire to go public.  B and I were expecting our second child around Nov 24th.  On June 28th we went for a routine midwife appointment and discovered that there was no heart beat.  This was confirmed at the hospital.  On Wednesday 30th June B gave birth to our baby boy, Tiny Taylor.  He had died between 14-15 weeks (B was 18 weeks pregnant when we found out.)  We were able to spend 15 minutes with our lad during which time we committed him to our loving Father.

Today we said goodbye to his earthly body - totally recognisable as a very small human being.  Sean and Liz lead B and I in a short but memorable memorial to our son that never saw the light of day alive, but our son none the less.  

We have been so blessed by wonderful families, fabulous friends and an incredible church.  However our greatest blessing has been knowing the closeness of our God at this time.  I am so thankful that our hope is in Him and that we can as best we understand it, know that we will meet our Tiny.

We do not understand why and know that this question is futile this side of eternity.  What we do understand is that our second child didn't make it full term.  We do know that it hurts.  We do know that that hurt is temporary and that we will meet our boy some day. We do understand that He is loving and just.  We do understand that we don't need to know the answer to 'why us?'.  We do know that God is faithful and is definitely our strength when we are at our weakest.  We do understand that God is in control.

As life moves on and gets busier again as I start back in the office next week, I know that we will never forget Tiny and that he will be part of our family and I do know that I am closer to my Father in Heaven more than I have ever been.  We would like to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts and kind gestures over the last month.

God is in control

As a busy week unfolds, including: a trip to Newday, the Newfrontiers youth camp at Uttoxeter race course; a membership interview; and the joy of preparing a sermon for Sunday looking Gen 39 v 1-20; it's so good to remember that God is in control. Those words continue to ring in my ears. It is the major lesson that I feel that I have been learning for about 6 months now. There is nothing that I can do aside from what he wants me to do. He is totally sovereign. Yes he has given me free will and i can make mistakes, but even through those mistakes he uses them to bring about his purposes.

The fact that I will be leading the team from the end of November, Sean and Liz leave in January and we have a child in February is all in God's timing not mine. He is in control and he knows what his plans are in all of these things. In this week I know that I want to lay myself open once more to him declaring 'speak Lord your servant is listening' and 'here I am send me'. I want to be full of his word and his Spirit that I may live a life that honours him. I want to give him my fears and my apprehensions and learn to lean into him as my rock and my fortress, knowing that at times there will be bumpy roads ahead.

Philippians 3 v 17 - 4 v 1:

" Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!"