So I have finished "For Men Only" by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. Out of all the helpful insights in the book I found 2 particularly helpful in my own marriage. (This is a longer post than usual but I wanted to share these things!)
The first was around 'windows'. The fact that women work with many different windows open, a bit like a computer, was in many ways revelatory to me. I knew that my wife multi tasked but hadn't thought about why. I know for me, that I have one thought processing at the fore of my mind at a time and will get to a place where I will close that window before having another one opened. It helped me to understand why B always has so many things to talk to me about at the end of the day - she is simply going through her windows. Also, when I haven't yet done something which she asked me to do, she will find it necessary to remind me because the window is still not closed for her.
The other useful thing on this was pop-ups. Another computer analogy (probably because as men we understand this terminology!!!) Just as computers have pop-ups (both helpful and unhelpful) so do women. Things can just pop up and that can affect how my wife feels at that particular moment. Since reading this, I have been able understand why my wife wants to talk to me about many things in the first 10 minutes that I get in and I have been able to ready myself for that in order to be a husband who is endeavouring to display my love for her. I have also been able to say 'was that a pop-up?' and have been able to help her close some windows just by doing the things she had expected me to actually do rather than procrastinate about!
The second thing was in the last chapter. The reminder to me that my wife needs to be affirmed of my love for her often. I know that I tell my wife I love her lots. There are even times when I will say it too many times and she will say that she knows that I don't have to keep saying it!!! After reading this chapter I will keep saying it, but I also realise that affirming my love for my wife is done in different ways and not just in words. I must keep helping around the house and with our baby daughter. n I must keep taking a lead spiritually and I must keep on tracking our budget, because I know these are all ways that she feels loved. I must also keep having conversation with her. I know she doesn't want that to be the same as when she meets up with her girl friends, but good time when she feels that she has my attention and that she feels heard and listened to. This helps her to know that she is the the only girl for me.
This is important to her. Just like when she was a little girl wanting her daddy's undivided attention, she now wants to know that she has my undivided love and attention. The second part of the chapter talks about the hammer that men hold that can shatter our wives; that being roving eyes. The whole thing around men and watching where their eyes go on a summers day walking through Reading, can destroy any of the words or even the gestures that have helped your wife feel she is number 1. This is sobering and has lead me to double my efforts in this area. I want to be like the basketball player who Jeff cites on page 174!
"In the mid-90's, Sports Illustrated did a cover feature, entitled, "St. David," on David Robinson, the MVP centre for the San Antonio Spurs. One segment described how Robinson, as a professing Christian, husband and father, in the midst of the NBA's intense temptations. For example, during television breaks, he would sit on the bench and stare studiously at the floor in order to avoid looking at the gyrating cheerleaders out on the court.
The article also mentioned that like all NBA players, Robinson was constantly approached by attractive women who wanted to talk to him...and were probably offering more than just witty conversation. Apparently, he would rather brusquely brush them off. When asked to comment on that seemingly "rude" practice, he said something like this: 'If any woman is going to get her feelings hurt, it's not going to be my wife.' A protector and hero in action!"
I want to see Robinson as an inspiration in my own marriage and make sure my eyes are only for my darling wife and I'm going to let her know often that that is the case!!! Now, with my marriage invested in, I turn my attention to Spurgeon's 'The Soul Winner," in an effort to not just be a man endeavouring to win his wife's heart day after day, but also to be a man that sees lost people won for Jesus.
Showing posts with label B. Show all posts
Showing posts with label B. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Learning to be a better husband
With the biography of Spurgeon finished I am now taking up a book recommendation of Sean and delving into the mysteries of the opposite sex. I have just started 'For Men Only' by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. For me this is in an attempt to be a better husband to my wife. I know I have so much to learn and that I can never think that I have got it sorted.
God has given me my wife to love as Christ loved the church; to love as I love myself. I am committed to this and want to do all I can, to make sure that B stays the apple of my eye, continues to be the girl that I dream about and that I continue to be, and continue to develop into, the husband that meets her high expectations from scripture.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
2009...
So we are now 7 days into this new year. As always I am interested in speculating as to what position West Ham will be in at the end of the season (hopefully we will avoid a relegation dog fight but that depends on the financial situation I guess!); I have made great plans as to how many books I would like to read this year; I am wondering where we will go on holiday.
But this is no ordinary start to a year, in fact I don't even feel like the last year has ended yet due to the awaited birth of Baby Taylor. At this time, amongst the futile things that my mind ponders on, there are three major thoughts on my horizon which easily surpass everything else:
1) What will it be like to actually be a dad?
I have dreamt about it, prayed about it and thought about it for years now, but now the time is almost upon me - I am going to be a dad. Things like will the baby and B be well, how do the finances all work, how much reading will I actually get done!
I have many more questions that don't need to be aired here, and I am also aware that my questions are different to B's (evident from our midwife appointment on Monday). All I know is that I want to be the best husband that I can be and the best father that I can be, because I know that those two things bring glory to God.
2) What does God have for me and B in this coming year in terms of spiritual growth.
I could never imagined that last year would have panned out as it did. God did and he had used the events of last year to grow me in ways that I wasn't expecting. All this leaves me in a sense of excitement and and righteous trepidation as to what is to come in 09. Being a dad will change my out look on things of this I am sure, however I know that it is God who actually will do this that I might be able to display His love and grace more and become more like Jesus.
3) What will our church look like at the end of 2009?
In this year I would love to see more salvation in our church whether through programs, Sunday mornings, cell groups or through individuals leading their friends to Jesus in their work places, over the garden fence or at the school gate.
I would love to see more of heaven invading earth in healings and signs and wonders.
I would love to see a greater outpouring of His Spirit that we may be a people who walk in step with His will and we like Jesus will do what we see the Father doing.
I would love to see new people added to us and new people stepping up into different responsibilities in church life.
I will not list everything that I would love to see that could take a while but what I do know is that we will only see these things when we start to earnestly seek Him and expect Him for these things. I need, to pursue him for the desires that he has given me, that His will will be done here in Reading.
But this is no ordinary start to a year, in fact I don't even feel like the last year has ended yet due to the awaited birth of Baby Taylor. At this time, amongst the futile things that my mind ponders on, there are three major thoughts on my horizon which easily surpass everything else:
1) What will it be like to actually be a dad?
I have dreamt about it, prayed about it and thought about it for years now, but now the time is almost upon me - I am going to be a dad. Things like will the baby and B be well, how do the finances all work, how much reading will I actually get done!
I have many more questions that don't need to be aired here, and I am also aware that my questions are different to B's (evident from our midwife appointment on Monday). All I know is that I want to be the best husband that I can be and the best father that I can be, because I know that those two things bring glory to God.
2) What does God have for me and B in this coming year in terms of spiritual growth.
I could never imagined that last year would have panned out as it did. God did and he had used the events of last year to grow me in ways that I wasn't expecting. All this leaves me in a sense of excitement and and righteous trepidation as to what is to come in 09. Being a dad will change my out look on things of this I am sure, however I know that it is God who actually will do this that I might be able to display His love and grace more and become more like Jesus.
3) What will our church look like at the end of 2009?
In this year I would love to see more salvation in our church whether through programs, Sunday mornings, cell groups or through individuals leading their friends to Jesus in their work places, over the garden fence or at the school gate.
I would love to see more of heaven invading earth in healings and signs and wonders.
I would love to see a greater outpouring of His Spirit that we may be a people who walk in step with His will and we like Jesus will do what we see the Father doing.
I would love to see new people added to us and new people stepping up into different responsibilities in church life.
I will not list everything that I would love to see that could take a while but what I do know is that we will only see these things when we start to earnestly seek Him and expect Him for these things. I need, to pursue him for the desires that he has given me, that His will will be done here in Reading.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
Trip to Trent
B and I had a great time on Sunday at Trent Vineyard in Nottingham. If you have read my last post you will know the reason for the trip and it was more than illuminating.
The church is buzzing. It has a quality building (both inside and out), although not as striking as Kingsgate Community Church in Peterborough, the warehouse feel really works; there are large pieces of artwork adorning the walls in the main auditorium, good atmospheric lighting and a wonderful open space where there are around 1000 seats for the meeting, tables and chairs for coffee and tea and areas where you can get more info about the church.
In terms of run order, quite similar to ourselves although executed differently (they do pass round Cadbury's Roses during the offering!), however in terms of follow up and plugging people into the life of the church we have many things we can learn from them.
B and I came away inspired and believing once again for bigness for RFC. What Trent is doing is fantastic for Nottingham, but we are called to Reading and we have been called to be a large relevant bible believing, Jesus centred, Spirit filled church that reaches our town, the region, the nations and the nations. Going to Nottingham on Sunday helped me see that afresh and raised good questions as to how we can get there.
The church is buzzing. It has a quality building (both inside and out), although not as striking as Kingsgate Community Church in Peterborough, the warehouse feel really works; there are large pieces of artwork adorning the walls in the main auditorium, good atmospheric lighting and a wonderful open space where there are around 1000 seats for the meeting, tables and chairs for coffee and tea and areas where you can get more info about the church.
In terms of run order, quite similar to ourselves although executed differently (they do pass round Cadbury's Roses during the offering!), however in terms of follow up and plugging people into the life of the church we have many things we can learn from them.
B and I came away inspired and believing once again for bigness for RFC. What Trent is doing is fantastic for Nottingham, but we are called to Reading and we have been called to be a large relevant bible believing, Jesus centred, Spirit filled church that reaches our town, the region, the nations and the nations. Going to Nottingham on Sunday helped me see that afresh and raised good questions as to how we can get there.
Saturday, 18 October 2008
This weekend
A busy weekend starts today. Today sees B and I travel to Potters Bar to have lunch with B's Grandma and then spend the evening with her parents. It will be the first time they have seen B with her bump and I am assured that they are very excited at the prospect of the sight! It will be a great time just catching up with wonderful people whom I have the privilege of calling family.
Tomorrow morning we travel up to Nottingham to Trent Vineyard Church. They have had a fantastic journey and we are going see what we can learn at RFC from what they have done. What does a large church in the UK look like? Well we shall find out tomorrow morning. After being in Peterborough this week for prayer and fasting and hearing Dave Smith's story of Kingsgate Community Church, I long for us to be a church that has influence within our town and beyond, not for our glory, but for the Glory of God.
W then come back and I meet with a small group of emerging leaders in the church. the last time we met was a really good time of searching within ourselves and seeing how each other tick. We then roll into the evening for a members meeting at the church offices talking about all things RFC.
On top of all this West Ham travel to Hull tomorrow wanting to erase the memory of a 3-1 home defeat last time out to Bolton.
By Monday, I know I will need a rest (and a rest I will get as it is my day off), but I know that I would have had a great weekend, well balanced with faith, family and friends. The big bonus of course is that I am doing virtually the whole weekend with my beautiful pregnant wife.
Tomorrow morning we travel up to Nottingham to Trent Vineyard Church. They have had a fantastic journey and we are going see what we can learn at RFC from what they have done. What does a large church in the UK look like? Well we shall find out tomorrow morning. After being in Peterborough this week for prayer and fasting and hearing Dave Smith's story of Kingsgate Community Church, I long for us to be a church that has influence within our town and beyond, not for our glory, but for the Glory of God.
W then come back and I meet with a small group of emerging leaders in the church. the last time we met was a really good time of searching within ourselves and seeing how each other tick. We then roll into the evening for a members meeting at the church offices talking about all things RFC.
On top of all this West Ham travel to Hull tomorrow wanting to erase the memory of a 3-1 home defeat last time out to Bolton.
By Monday, I know I will need a rest (and a rest I will get as it is my day off), but I know that I would have had a great weekend, well balanced with faith, family and friends. The big bonus of course is that I am doing virtually the whole weekend with my beautiful pregnant wife.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
I felt Baby Taylor kick!!!!
Tonight, as I sat with my wonderful wife, I gad the joy of feeling our baby kick for the first time. For the past few weeks, B has been telling me of the feelings that she is having. For the past week she has been placing my hand in the area where little one is moving around, but i have been unable to experience the feeling with her. Tonight, I experienced the sensation.
What a feeling, what a joy. We thank our Father that He has blessed us and pray that He will continue to bless our growing child over the second half of the pregnancy and less B as she carries this precious miracle.
What a feeling, what a joy. We thank our Father that He has blessed us and pray that He will continue to bless our growing child over the second half of the pregnancy and less B as she carries this precious miracle.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Money markets collapse, but Jesus reigns
As I turn on the radio or TV these days there is always a news report telling of the woes of the financial markets. It's true that things are not looking great at the moment in that respect. The two major banks in Belgium have hit major problems, Spanish banks seem to be buying up many other European banks, the senate have had to sanction a massive rescue package for the US banks. If you focus on these things you cannot help but start to worry about your own finances. We have a mortgage and we have savings; we both have pensions and we have insurances for all the things that you would expect.
However, I cannot get away from the teaching on money that we find in the bible.
For starters we are not supposed to trust in money. We are told that we cannot serve two masters and that refers to money or God. I follow God, I want to serve only him!
When Jesus talks about not worrying about tomorrow, it is in the context of clothing ourselves and feeding the family - he makes the point that God makes sure that the birds of the air can eat and that the lilies of the field are clothed in splendour and that because of this how much more will he provide for us.
I know for me and my house we will continue to trust in God. Yes there are real problems with the worlds economy, but I am not going to let that detract from the fact that my God is bigger than the world economy and He will do what needs to be done.
In some ways I want to take the opportunity at this time to bring people hope in a world that is in turmoil. At the end of the day, those that have trusted in finance have seen that fail and are looking beyond the money markets. I pray that they will find people who will introduce them to Jesus so they may know what real hope is.
As I sat tonight with B with my hand laid across her tummy where BT is laying, I had a random thought about how we will survive on one wage in this current climate - the answer came quickly:
'So do not worry, saying "what shall I eat?" or "What shall I drink?" or "What shall I wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:31-34
I don't mean to trot this out glibly, but I have to believe that God is in control and that he knows what is happening and that he will ensure that we as a family will survive through it, whatever that surviving looks like!
However, I cannot get away from the teaching on money that we find in the bible.
For starters we are not supposed to trust in money. We are told that we cannot serve two masters and that refers to money or God. I follow God, I want to serve only him!
When Jesus talks about not worrying about tomorrow, it is in the context of clothing ourselves and feeding the family - he makes the point that God makes sure that the birds of the air can eat and that the lilies of the field are clothed in splendour and that because of this how much more will he provide for us.
I know for me and my house we will continue to trust in God. Yes there are real problems with the worlds economy, but I am not going to let that detract from the fact that my God is bigger than the world economy and He will do what needs to be done.
In some ways I want to take the opportunity at this time to bring people hope in a world that is in turmoil. At the end of the day, those that have trusted in finance have seen that fail and are looking beyond the money markets. I pray that they will find people who will introduce them to Jesus so they may know what real hope is.
As I sat tonight with B with my hand laid across her tummy where BT is laying, I had a random thought about how we will survive on one wage in this current climate - the answer came quickly:
'So do not worry, saying "what shall I eat?" or "What shall I drink?" or "What shall I wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:31-34
I don't mean to trot this out glibly, but I have to believe that God is in control and that he knows what is happening and that he will ensure that we as a family will survive through it, whatever that surviving looks like!
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Update on BT
The 1st of October has roiled around - where has this year gone? B and I are now half way through the pregnancy which will see us become parents for the first time. We had the 20 week scan on Monday and all was well. Baby Taylor is growing as a baby should and Barbie is healthy. She has felt lots of movement and her bump is slowly growing. I get very excited at the prospect of being a father and holding our little one in my arms.
It is truly incredible to see our 23cm long child moving in B's womb, stretching legs, drinking and generally being a baby! It's incredible because as a Christian, I know that this is not some chance happening, but this is the work of my God. We read in Psalm 139:13-15:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place."
In Jeremiah 1:5 we read:
"Before I formed you in your mothers womb I knew you before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as prophet to the nations."
Our child is beautiful already and I am almost in count down to February 12th mode already! But I also want this pregnancy to be a reminder of the awesome creative power of my Father in heaven. It is Him who opens the womb and brings forth life and therefore I will praise Him for giving us this precious gift of Baby Taylor. I love the fact it's not all chance but that this is God's sovereign creative delight to give us this joy.
It is truly incredible to see our 23cm long child moving in B's womb, stretching legs, drinking and generally being a baby! It's incredible because as a Christian, I know that this is not some chance happening, but this is the work of my God. We read in Psalm 139:13-15:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place."
In Jeremiah 1:5 we read:
"Before I formed you in your mothers womb I knew you before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as prophet to the nations."
Our child is beautiful already and I am almost in count down to February 12th mode already! But I also want this pregnancy to be a reminder of the awesome creative power of my Father in heaven. It is Him who opens the womb and brings forth life and therefore I will praise Him for giving us this precious gift of Baby Taylor. I love the fact it's not all chance but that this is God's sovereign creative delight to give us this joy.
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Off to Upton Park!!!
B and I will be leaving shortly to go and witness Zola's first game in charge of West Ham. It feels like a big adventure and one we are undertaking together. The Irons are playing against a Newcastle team that have no manager and are up for sale. It could be a memorable day for the team, but I am not holding my breath!!!
One thing is certain though and that is that B and I will have a lovely day together and we will experience this together. I love building memories with B and we have been privileged to build so many in our ten years together. It will also be Baby Taylor's first trip to a football match and BT will hear bubbles sung - apparently we should now be singing to our little one as it soothes and BT will be able to recognise the songs after birth.
One thing is certain though and that is that B and I will have a lovely day together and we will experience this together. I love building memories with B and we have been privileged to build so many in our ten years together. It will also be Baby Taylor's first trip to a football match and BT will hear bubbles sung - apparently we should now be singing to our little one as it soothes and BT will be able to recognise the songs after birth.
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